hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
We need a shit load of segways right now
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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