how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
