found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
And then the night went full on bisexual.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
