Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
