how can u be prego again
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
