I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
