Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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