Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
