I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
