I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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