So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
