Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Your penis caused this!
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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