Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
