OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
