Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
