im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
