Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
another moral hangover. fuck.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
