4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
People in love make me want to vomit
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
