you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
