did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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