My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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