Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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