i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
