She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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