I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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