I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
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I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
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After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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