I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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