Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
