arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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