You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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