Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
try to milk me bitch
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