just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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