forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
