Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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