you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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