Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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