Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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