I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
