I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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