I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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