I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
