Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
