are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
