Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You need a sexual gate keeper
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
