she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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