Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
