Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
