the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
