oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
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