he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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