I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
