he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He? As in you personified your dick?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
