It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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