The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Drunk is not a location!
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize