When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
