Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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