How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
