Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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