Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
