Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
