Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
