How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
