There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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