i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
