Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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