Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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