Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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