i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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