just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
