Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
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