"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
