Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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