Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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