She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
