so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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