i just google imaged poop.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
