Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
