You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
