Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
