Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize