either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
