I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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