My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
im holly from the hills drunk
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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